Little Kids Destroy Gaming Industry

By Shaun El-Ters

A few years ago, my 10-year-old sister and her friend were playing at our house. I was playing the best game ever made, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, while they were playing with Barbie dolls or whatever. Suddenly, the abrasive little boy, for no apparent reason other than to make me hate him, said “Zelda’s boring.”

Immediately, I paused the game. For a moment, I considered what a loser I would be if I argued with a 7-year-old about why my favorite video game was amazing. This feeling passed. 

“How is Zelda boring?” I answered back. 

“All you do is run around the field and talk to people and ride your stupid horse. You can’t even jump.”

I did not even know how to defend my precious game, which was being defiled by this kid, so I asked him what he would do to make it better. 

“First,” he said “take out the puzzles. They are too hard. And boring.”

“Yeah, but the thing is that puzzles are what make the game great. They…”

“And put guns in it.” 

Now I was genuinely flustered. “You can’t put guns in Zelda…”

“Dude, you wanted to know what would make it better and I told you. Stop crying.”

My will shattered. I unpaused my game, and aimlessly navigated my tunic-wearing man through a field.

I realize now that this conversation perfectly encapsulates almost everything that is wrong with the video game industry. Allow me to explain. 

For starters, the worst thing about online matches are the kids. OK, besides the jerks that are always so much better than you. (It just so happens that the kids are better than me too, but that’s besides the point.) Every time, the irritating jeers the children as they stick grenades on my back makes me want to smash my controller into my face.

Secondly, the desire these kids have to play Grand Theft Auto instead of Lamb Chop and Friends could cause major trouble down the road. The fact is, although these violent and mature games are not intended for a younger audiences, they continually find their way into kids’ hands.

Politicians and disgruntled lawyers use this fact to support movements of complete censorship of these topics. This censorship would place a handicap on the medium that would be difficult, if not impossible, to overcome.

If I could go back, I would have told the kid that if he wants to continue playing these games past puberty, then he needs to stop being a little idiot. If you want access to your favorite games, then don’t play them without parental consent; if your parents don’t want you to play Gears of War, then you are probably too young in first place. If you want respect online, then stop taking joy in making your opponents universally loathe you. 

And if you really want people to stop referring to you and your kind as a bunch of adolescent losers, then expand your horizons past first-person shooters. Try games that you initially think are “boring.” Contribute to the medium that you are slowly killing.

Yeah. That would’ve shown him.

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